A personal account of my dealings with progressive multiple sclerosis. And my battle with trigeminal neuralgia and the brain surgery that stopped the pain!

Friday, July 10, 2009

A rant in weakness

Yes, last night's post might have looked like my "goodbye" to this world. But it wasn't! I was just my expressing my desire to be free from this flesh and present with my Lord.

And it is when I'm sick that I feel the most desirous of my eternal home.

Here is the deal that has me down:

Its having to give up on things that I so want to participate in. I've mentioned before how difficult it is to be undependable where I can't even count on myself!

A few months ago I lost a $50.00 deposit for a weekend retreat that I was looking really forward to attending, because illness made it impossible for me to attend.

And now I'm looking at this S'mores & More family weekend. I really want to go. We've invited the Grandkids. I can't imagine not being able to participate.

Right now I am just praying my heart out that I will be well enough later in the day to pack and get ready.

In less than two weeks I've been entirely blessed with plane tickets to spend a week with some precious online friends in Texas. How I hope and pray that I can count on that.

So I get a choice.. ultimately should I just give up on making plans and sit here without any excited expectations around the corner? Or should I continue making plans with the knowledge that there is a possibility that it won't work out? I figure I should keep on hoping for the best and count on being able to do these things.


  1. Hi,

    I cannot imagine what you must endure. I pray that the Lord heals you. I am not sure what I would do in your situation... However, one thing comes to mind: focus on and celebrate what you can do, focus less on what you cannot do.

    God is with you.

  2. I am so glad you were able to get out and enjoy the kids! We love you!!

    ~ Jeannie

  3. I did not know you had these "invisable illnesses"
    I too have 2. Mine are fibromyalgia and RA...I, like you have wanted out of this flesh on many occasions. I too have missed lots of fun things because of my diseases. I also know that God has some kind of reason for this season in my life and yours too. I pray God's richest blessings to you.

  4. Plan to participate (Plan A) then have a plan on what to do if Plan A doesn't work out (Plan B). This is a skill passed on to me from a counselor when I was getting radiation therapy for cancer. Plan B helps with the disappointment and depression for the times Plan A doesn't work. I save up certain "quiet time" activities I love to do for Plan B time. It works! Praying for you and your family, hoping my hint can help in some small way. Your grandchildren have a grandmother that loves them 200%, and that counts for more than any activity.


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About Me

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Love Jesus! Mac Enthusiast! Love all things tech!

Married to high school sweetheart for 42 years! 
Multiple Sclerosis tries to get me down. 
Previous Trigeminal Neuralgia sufferer-successful MVD in Nov of 2006. 
Mother of 2 grown sons. GrandMother
Gardener, Twittering Lady.
Podcast lover. Previous fitness instructor.. previous Childbirth educator, previous school bus driver, previous racewalker.

Lots of previous.. but unending future! Gifts: encouragement, helps, discernment. Lover of People.

Recently my youngest son 33yrs old- (now 37)  was  diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's disease- this is the toughest road yet. But by God's divine hand- we'll survive. 


I am exceedingly humbled that He knows me by name and actually died that I might live. And then He sought me out! This is joy unspeakable.


Did I mention that I had an uncle named Steve ?