A personal account of my dealings with progressive multiple sclerosis. And my battle with trigeminal neuralgia and the brain surgery that stopped the pain!

Friday, July 10, 2009

A rant in weakness



Yes, last night's post might have looked like my "goodbye" to this world. But it wasn't! I was just my expressing my desire to be free from this flesh and present with my Lord.

And it is when I'm sick that I feel the most desirous of my eternal home.

Here is the deal that has me down:

Its having to give up on things that I so want to participate in. I've mentioned before how difficult it is to be undependable where I can't even count on myself!

A few months ago I lost a $50.00 deposit for a weekend retreat that I was looking really forward to attending, because illness made it impossible for me to attend.

And now I'm looking at this S'mores & More family weekend. I really want to go. We've invited the Grandkids. I can't imagine not being able to participate.

Right now I am just praying my heart out that I will be well enough later in the day to pack and get ready.

In less than two weeks I've been entirely blessed with plane tickets to spend a week with some precious online friends in Texas. How I hope and pray that I can count on that.

So I get a choice.. ultimately should I just give up on making plans and sit here without any excited expectations around the corner? Or should I continue making plans with the knowledge that there is a possibility that it won't work out? I figure I should keep on hoping for the best and count on being able to do these things.

4 comments:

  1. Hi,

    I cannot imagine what you must endure. I pray that the Lord heals you. I am not sure what I would do in your situation... However, one thing comes to mind: focus on and celebrate what you can do, focus less on what you cannot do.

    God is with you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am so glad you were able to get out and enjoy the kids! We love you!!

    ~ Jeannie

    ReplyDelete
  3. I did not know you had these "invisable illnesses"
    I too have 2. Mine are fibromyalgia and RA...I, like you have wanted out of this flesh on many occasions. I too have missed lots of fun things because of my diseases. I also know that God has some kind of reason for this season in my life and yours too. I pray God's richest blessings to you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Plan to participate (Plan A) then have a plan on what to do if Plan A doesn't work out (Plan B). This is a skill passed on to me from a counselor when I was getting radiation therapy for cancer. Plan B helps with the disappointment and depression for the times Plan A doesn't work. I save up certain "quiet time" activities I love to do for Plan B time. It works! Praying for you and your family, hoping my hint can help in some small way. Your grandchildren have a grandmother that loves them 200%, and that counts for more than any activity.

    ReplyDelete

Blog Archive

About Me

My photo

Love Jesus! Mac Enthusiast! Love all things tech!

Married to high school sweetheart for 42 years! 
Multiple Sclerosis tries to get me down. 
Previous Trigeminal Neuralgia sufferer-successful MVD in Nov of 2006. 
Mother of 2 grown sons. GrandMother
Gardener, Twittering Lady.
Podcast lover. Previous fitness instructor.. previous Childbirth educator, previous school bus driver, previous racewalker.

Lots of previous.. but unending future! Gifts: encouragement, helps, discernment. Lover of People.

Recently my youngest son 33yrs old- (now 37)  was  diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's disease- this is the toughest road yet. But by God's divine hand- we'll survive. 


____________________________

I am exceedingly humbled that He knows me by name and actually died that I might live. And then He sought me out! This is joy unspeakable.

___________________________

Did I mention that I had an uncle named Steve ?