I don't know how I'd sleep w/o my #Bacon

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Hate Re-Runs

Another episode of Fatigue

My biggest struggle with Multiple Sclerosis. And I know I'm not alone because this is the #1 symptom reported by others with MS.

But when enduring another episode I want to cry out for the old me. The one who could wake up at 5:00 and get my house in order then go drive my school bus and then meet clients at the YMCA for personal training by 8:30 and keep that going till leaving the Y to come home and walk my dog about 1:00 before driving my afternoon bus route. Then I'd come home.. make dinner and either go out racewalking or go back to the YMCA to teach a spinning class. In the midst of that excitment I managed to enjoy fellowship with folks and keep my house in order. WOW

Now there are days that I am unable to even get up and dressed before noon.

I spend entirely too much time horizontally. Plenty of days I don't even take the anti fatigue meds prescribed for me because the fatigue is beyond pharmaceutical help and every day I go without meds causes my tolerance to be less so I'm able to benefit on the days that they will indeed help.

I think of seeing folks just yesterday and knowing that they saw me out and looking good. Yet they don't see me on "these days".

No doubt this is a depressing post. But sometimes it feels better just to share my burden, knowing that there are dear folks lifting me up in prayer.

I can close with hope. Because when I'm down and unable... He is always more than able.

Psalm 34:3
O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together.

Psalm 121:4
Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.

Jeremiah 31:25
I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint."

Weakness or Fearlessness?

You know some how we're conditioned that to use a crutch is a sign of weakness?

But Tommy has been encouraging me to use the cane more often as he knows I hesitate to do things with the family that will require much walking, especially in the dark.

In stores I always grab the cart because it gives me the security I desire along with something to lean on.

But yesterday when we went to the Fall Festival and I took the cane (it is a special cain as it was not only my Father's but his Father's before that)

I was amazed how much more secure I felt walking in the crowded street at the fall festival.

I've decided that a cane is something to be thankful for. Now maybe I'll have an artist friend (Robin.. Robin) paint something pretty on it because it is just plain wood.

So if you see me with a cane... just know that I am choosing to add stability and fearlessness to my life.

Maybe I'll encourage someone else that using a cane is not a bad thing but an added help... and maybe life can be enjoyed more w/o being worried about missing a step all the time.

Thank You for my Husband

I fell in love with this man when I was in 8th grade. Really! He was from a close knit family who literally lived on the other side of the rail road tracks. My parents weren't happy. #1 because I was too young for love and #2 because of his social economic class-- concerned I could never be happy without a fellow who would have lots of money to care for me.

He left town the day he turned 16 to join the Merchant Marines. My heart was broken. But while he was away I did all l could to help him remember me. I bought his high school pictures and sent them to his Mother. (always good to get on the Mom's good side)

I wrote him letters regularly. (not even realizing that he was pretty much unable to read.. a fellow friend in the Merchant Marines seamanship school read my letters to Tommy and wrote letters back to me that Tommy copied and sent)



Ultimately he returned home before shipping out. I will always be grateful for an older man (maybe he was 30 LOL) who told Tommy that this was not the life he should peruse. He told Tommy that if there was a girl back home who loved him to return and make the most of it.

I was a sophomore in high school when Tommy came back. And he suddenly looked so mature and grown up.



We ran away to be married on Easter Sunday of 1973. Of course no judge in his right mind would marry us. We ended up hiding out in a cave under High Knob at Shawnee National Forest. We slept in his car at night and finally had to sell his spare tire to get $5.00 for gas and the oil that his car seemed to use more of than gas.

When we ran completely out of money... (about 3 weeks) we returned to our home town. I called my parents and boy was I in trouble. They said they would not sign for us to be married ever. And my Mother being the director of Planned Parenthood at the time only wanted to get me on the birth control pill.

Tommy found a job at a tire shop. I slept in his car (hiding) in the tire shop parking lot during his working hours. Sometimes I ventured to a "head shop" called Folz City in downtown Evansville. (walking.. remember I was too young to drive)

Tommy's boss gave him a couple weeks pay in advance. So we found an apartment. I remember well it was $25.00 per week yet we paid $30.00 for 5 weeks to get our required deposit paid for.

Once settled (it was a furnished apt) I wanted to get back to my high school. I walked there one day and they told me that unless I was in school the following week they would arrest my parents for child neglect. I had to be in school either living at home with my legal guardians or married.

So I called my Mother and with the legal action coming down on them and their seeing how determined I was they decided to go and sign a waver for us to be married.

We had a wedding at Tommy's Grand Mother's house. I have no pictures as the only one who brought a camera forgot her film!!

My parents showed up quite upset.

Long story short.. our love has continued and grown. My parents ultimately feel in love with Tommy as well. After three years we had our first son and just a year later our second.

Tommy has been my best friend and closest family for my entire life.

I do not regret our early marriage. Because had I waited he may have not been available.

And now 35 years later.. and dealing with chronic illness, I've found this dear man to be so selfless and giving that I am just falling in love with him more.

When I was twenty one years old I got saved after reading a book titled "666" by Salem Kirban. It wasn't for a couple of decades that Tommy also was born again. And it is just recently that he is beginning to desire even a closer walk with Jesus.

"The rich and poor meet together; the Lord is the maker of them all" Proverbs 22:2

"Let thy mercies come unto me, O Lord, even thy salvation, according to thy word." Psalm 119:41

"Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost." Romans 15:13

Just How it is

I'm Just sayn' Yes

I was paying attention in the 1980s and 1990s during the United States "War against drugs". The slogan of course was Just Say No

I saw first hand people who ruined their lives by becoming addicts. Both with rereational illegial drugs and prescription drugs.

I was addicted to cigarettes for decades. The adults I was exposed to as a child were all alcholics. Every special occasion was celebrated by having drinks. And every evening began with "Happy Hour". I had a few years of my adult life when I drank and did not have control over my drinking. Ultimately I was delivered from the desire to both drink and smoke.

But along comes multiple sclerosis and the multitude of symptoms that come along with it. (isn't that what MS stands for?)

I have been in a battle regarding the use of pharmaceuticals since my diagnosis in 2003. There are drugs for the pain associated, the stiffness that can make walking difficult, drugs to help with sleep and the all important drugs to fight the paralyzing fatigue.

I've posted a picture before of my load of medications. I've fought to only take drugs when I felt they were really needed.

However my quality of life has become more and more difficult without the help of these tools.

My Neurologist has often said "Why don't you take what actually makes your life better on a consistant basis?" It was because I did not want to be dependent upon pills to get through my days (and nights).

I am coming to the conclusion that I need these drugs. And to try to be the person who doesn't need medication to get through the day is literally a dead end street for me.

Today I didn't have the strength to get moving and ready to attend a Bible study that I was looking forward to. I'd been down with fever & fatigue for several days before finally enjoying a good day and a half.

Yet here I was again unable to accomplish those things required to be independent or even to do just what I was looking forward to.

There are several different drugs for MS fatigue. I find if I take any of them on a regular basis they don't help much. So I have to switch around from one type to another. Yet I still didn't take any on a regular basis.
I was only taking them when there were special things I needed to do.

At nearly eleven a.m. I took an amphetamine. By noon I was finally getting my shower and making the bed.

Ultimately I've gotten some things done around the house and feel some what accomplished.

Having the help of pharmaceutcals is a blessing. Who would want to spend days on end being "horizontal" when there is a way out? I'm no addict.. I have multiple sclerosis. So there! I've convinced myself.

And I've come to a new decision regarding taking drugs.. for me it's "Just say Yes!"

Bout to Burst

All looks good for Granny's Big Trip to Texas tomorrow. To spend some time with folks that I so admire. A complete treat. Wanted to mention that although there have been some serious fervishly fatigued days as of recent. My health has been good enough to get things together for this really unique and precious opportunity.

I know the Lord's hand is on the trip. And my health is indeed in His hands. Some one commented on my last post that I should spend more time focusing on the positive rather than the negative of life. And normally that is my outlook. God knows that weakness drags one emotionally low as well as physically.

And then He decided (through the kindness of others) to allow me this exciting visit. So I am trusting that He'll also allow for the good health needed to enjoy every minute of it. Thank You Lord Jesus.. Thank you Neal & Cali and Thank You Tommy for allowing me to leave you for a week just because you love me. Thank you friends for taking time to pray!

Oh let us magnify the Lord together. Let us exalt His Name for He is Worthy of our praise!

I'll keep you posted. Most likely from my switchinggrannysstuff.blogspot.com

A rant in weakness

Yes, last night's post might have looked like my "goodbye" to this world. But it wasn't! I was just my expressing my desire to be free from this flesh and present with my Lord.

And it is when I'm sick that I feel the most desirous of my eternal home.

Here is the deal that has me down:

Its having to give up on things that I so want to participate in. I've mentioned before how difficult it is to be undependable where I can't even count on myself!

A few months ago I lost a $50.00 deposit for a weekend retreat that I was looking really forward to attending, because illness made it impossible for me to attend.

And now I'm looking at this S'mores & More family weekend. I really want to go. We've invited the Grandkids. I can't imagine not being able to participate.

Right now I am just praying my heart out that I will be well enough later in the day to pack and get ready.

In less than two weeks I've been entirely blessed with plane tickets to spend a week with some precious online friends in Texas. How I hope and pray that I can count on that.

So I get a choice.. ultimately should I just give up on making plans and sit here without any excited expectations around the corner? Or should I continue making plans with the knowledge that there is a possibility that it won't work out? I figure I should keep on hoping for the best and count on being able to do these things.

I want to leave memories of great joy

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

You don't know what will happen tomorrow. What is life? You are a mist that is seen for a moment and then disappears. James 4:14

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. Hebrews 12:1-3

For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.
2 Tim 4:6-8

A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one's birth. Ecclesiastes 7:1

Whom having not seen, you love; in whom, though now you see him not, yet believing, you rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory: 1 Peter 1:8

I'm not sure why I am consumed with the knowledge as of recent that my time is at hand. But if my Maker is allowing me the ability to be aware of my departure from this clay; I must say with a pure heart that it is only by His grace that I will be counted worthy to stand in that day.

May my short time on this earth allow for some eternal weight of glory.
And may the memories I leave bring glory to His Name and assurance to those who are yet lost and seeking to be found.

I desire to be with Him... but He may have work for me yet here. My days are in His hands and my salvation is sure. Because of what He has done- All is well with my soul.

Even so Come Quickly Lord Jesus

"You are looking well"

It has never been my desire to place the spotlight on myself especially regarding problems of any kind.

My Father was one who never had anything except kind things to say to folks. So maybe I learned from him that to complain or present problems is not what pleases people and therefore is not acceptable.

Yet, since becoming a member of the family of God I have a Father who tells me to share my burdens with my brothers and sisters. To reach out for prayer. Knowing that He has instructed us to hold up one another in prayer and thereby minister encouragement to the body of Christ.

So I've wrestled regarding communicating personal needs while living with a progressive disease process.

I began answering positive saying "I'm great thank-you". Yet as difficult days became more common I would say " I'm very well today thank-you". When having to answer the "how are you" question during a rough time I am nearly torn in pieces when forced to say "not too well right now." Boy that hurts.

Ahhh but what hurts? The fact that I am not making you happy with my words? My words will never be what brings happiness or not to anyone. That is placing too much importance on myself.

Less of me... More of Jesus!

My heart is to encourage you. And if I respond with a thankful humble heart, giving all glory to God, good days or bad, I can let Him encourage you.

And to let you know that if you are seeing me- then I must be having a pretty good day. Because I'm not out there for you to see for the most part on the bad days.

So many of the symptoms of multiple sclerosis are really invisible to most folks anyway.

Yesterday for the sake of the blog I rounded as many of my prescribed medications as I could find and took a picture of them.

Not for sympathy but to validate the fact that even if I am blessed to "look well" I'm dealing with lots of symptoms that aren't visible or that require pharmaceuticals to keep under control. Thankfully I don't take all of these meds every day. But they've been prescribed for symptoms related to multiple sclerosis. (except for the natural hormone replacement I have compounded and take every day).

Here is the picture that speaks volumes for Granny... a woman who didn't take hardly a pill a decade ago:

Yo-Yo

Like a yo-yo, honestly that is how I feel about my days. One day I am out
and about accomplishing all the wonderful things that are on my agenda. The very next day I cannot get the strength to even be vertical.

I looked up how yo-yos work and found that there are three different kinds of energy needed to make the whole thing happen:

#1 Potential energy—because it's a certain height above the floor.

#2 Kinetic energy of movement—because it's moving up or down relative to the floor

#3 Kinetic energy of rotation—because it's spinning around.


And honestly my life consists of all three types. Yet on the "bad" days I'm
just not maintaining #1 which would compromise #2! Now #3 shouldn't ever be too much of a problem because I am nearly always spinning out of control!

Once I get this figured out I will be sure to share my findings.

Until then I'll just continue to hold tight and try to enjoy the ride!


"Although Jesus was the Son of God, he learned to be obedient through his sufferings." Hebrews 5:8

Giving in?

When you see me I'm having a good day. And thanks be to God I have plenty of great days.

But there are "those days" when you don't see me. When my intentions are good and plentiful yet my abilities are not. It is always a battle when "those days" hit. They generally come on without warning. Initially it is an overwhelming perception that the air around me has become heavy. Every little thing becomes monumental. Just the regular activities of daily living seem like overwhelming tasks that I am unable to accomplish.

The "old me" (before chronic disease became a part of my life) still sees myself as lazy when I don't follow through with my goals and plans. Especially if this inability includes simple things like getting dressed and getting the bed made and the laundry done. Or even doing simple hygiene things like washing my hair seems too labor intensive.

So I'm trying to get adjusted to the fact that I cannot count on myself to feel great from one day to the next. In fact I am having to realize that if the Lord Himself has allowed this affliction to continue, then HE will show Himself strong through me and obtain glory through it all.

Am I giving in when I realize I cannot do the things that I've committed to doing? When I stay in a horizontal position most of the day? When I let my husband or family down regarding plans we've made and I can no longer fulfill?

No- I've decided not. I am enduring this trial to become stronger in Jesus and to somehow allow Him to show His grace and mercy through me.

No I am not giving in. I am yielding and trusting and praying for a way that this will be used to minister compassion towards someone else who struggles with some of the same "can't depend on myself" issues.

About the MVD surgery I had in 06

This seemed to be a little easier than the surgery I had.. but it was the same one. (my anatomy was somehow different so it took 5 1/2 hrs) But it was successful for me. In fact I've seen Dr. Casey speak at the TNA national conference in Michigan. Dr. Peter Konrad at Vanderbilt did my surgery.

A Middle of the night plea for prayer

I posted this on twitwall late last night (or early this morning) yet thought I'd move it to the blog. I was desperate for prayer and that was the quickest way to get to my those who might still be up and able to pray.

Here goes:

Needing some prayer support.. discretion advised Edit
Most know that I deal with some pretty chronic bladder and urinary tract issues from the multiple sclerosis. I've just gotten through a mini series of bouts with these conditions which give me discomfort and more importantly a rise in body temperature which slows all nerve conduction and makes symptoms that are normally just background noise very up front and noticeable.
One rare and difficult problem I have dealing with this neuro-genic bladder is that there will be times that it won't empty. It rarely empties fully and this is one reason I am so prone to the infections.
So I self catheterize 2-3 times per day as needed to allow all urine to be moved out of my bladder.
Yet there are these occasions when I have spasms.. the feeling like i am constantly full of urine and in great need of voiding. I can sit down to void and only go a tiny bit. But there is no sleeping because the urge feels so intense and the painful spasms with it make it impossible to sleep.
I am grateful this does not occur often. But right now seems a bad time as I am on a slight dose of steroids from my previous bout of not getting better and becoming so weak. These drugs play havoc on my sleep anyway. Now with the spasms I am asking prayer for sleep tonight.
I've taken some medications to help with the spasms. I honestly don't know what else to do but to pray and ask for your prayers as well.
I've had a great and productive day. Until about an hour before reclining for bed. Now it is just amounting of potty sitting or getting in and right back out of the bed.

I will use this time to pray intensely for those whom I know that are suffering a much worse fate at this time in their lives. I will seek God and ask Him to encourage your hearts as you serve the kingdom by praying at His throne in the flesh.

Love to all

Coping with the truth

Low burden of white matter signal abnormalities: My MRIS

I'd love to say that the worst is behind me. (No not my ever gradually spreading rear side); but the long couple of months of virus's, infections, and disabling fatigue.

Multiple Sclerosis is so different for everyone. And even though I've been diagnosed since 2003 and very likely been dealing with this disease process for a few years longer than that, I still tend to be in denial some. Because when I am not ill or hot I don't have many issues with mobility which is generally what one thinks of when hearing MS.

And I have this pride or self preservation hope that this isn't getting me down or gradually reducing me to less physically than I want to be.

Tuesday I visited my family Dr. because I wanted to know if I was over looking something besides MS bringing me so much fatigue and hence depression. Like say a thyroid condition or even some mono.

I told him I didn't want to miss something treatable because I happen to have this label of progressive neurological disease.

Well he sat me down after listening and going thru my e-room records from two weeks earlier. And he said "I think I know what is going on and I do believe this is part of your Multiple Sclerosis compounded with the fact that you have been knocked down with several illnesses recently- I think your immune system has just been run over and we need to give you a jolt" He knows I hate doing any steroidal treatments because of the side effects and the fact that they aren't proven to do any long term good.

However I was ready to do nearly anything to begin getting some strength back. To be able to count on myself and be able to do not just the things I need to get done as activities of daily living.. but also to resume doing things I enjoy without having to pay with an entire day in bed after.

Apparently my Vit B levels were low as well. I did not want to do IV steroids or a dose pack that begins with high levels of steroids and then titration down. So I got a shot in the bum that included some B12 and steroids. And am doing a very low dose of oral steroids for 10 days and taking a prescription B12 vitamin long term.

Tuesday I did not really feel better. Oh I was better to get ready and get to the 8:00 am Dr's appt. And did take Breanna to dance class. But as usual I was completely on the sofa by the time sweet Tommy got home from work and did not do anything more.

Wednesday I stayed on ECM (energy conservation mode) the entire day), as to be rested up for a dinner/seminar provided by our local Tri-State Multiple Sclerosis Association
Thankfully I was able to attend and enjoyed myself. In fact Wednesday night after getting home I was really wound up and had some trouble sleeping. One pharmaceutical tends to lead to another. So sleeping pills were necessary.

The title of this MS seminar was " How to know if my MS is worsening and what to do about it". A Dr. Berry Singer from the St Louis Comprehensive MS center was the speaker. I think some denial was removed listening to him. He had us consider how far we were ale to walk 1 year or 2 years ago as compared to now. Well.. remember I was a racewalker at one time. And last year I was still enjoying riding my bike and walking my dog through the neighborhood. Now I must utilize pushing the grocery cart when just trying to go to Walmart. Now I have Tommy drop me at the door of the store before he parks. When I walk my dog it is only enough for her to relieve herself and then we return home. So things have indeed progressed.

Dr. Singer has a nice website that is not particularly sponsored by drug companies like most. In particularly he has a nice short animated video on the front page I think is good.

Anyway to keep this blog from being a book. I just wanted to say that I am feeling more like myself right now. And praying to continue to have some time of constant "up" time.

It is so difficult to be self focused. There are so many folks dealing with much more serious things.

And what really convicts me, is that I know my adversary; the devil walks around seeing who he can destroy. And although I am confident that he has no claims no my soul and cannot take God's free gift of salvation away from me. He can steal my joy. And the joy of the Lord is my strength and my testimony. I rebuke you satan in the mighty name of Jesus. Lord keep me meditating upon Your word and those things that are lovely true and of a good report. In the midst of this perverse and wicked generation I pray You receive the glory due your Holy Name. I pray that my response to the trials of this life are acceptable to You and are used above all else to bring others in to the knowledge of Your saving grace. Oh how I love you my Lord.. the Lifter of my head!! Thank you for praying saints and the comfort and healing of Your Spirit. Amen.

Horizontal

One of the biggest issues I have with multiple scleoris is that I am unable to depend on myself. Good thing I am a Christian and can consider less of me and more of Him my goal. Otherwise I'd be so frustrated.

The other huge problem I have is that dealing with a chronic illness makes me self involved. The Lord knows my desire is to be selfless and a servant to others.

I blogged about my issues with urinary tract infections last week. And the most recent one caused me to feel I was going down hill quickly. Like a train on the back side of a mountain. Faster than I could keep up with. And my back was aching along with chills & fever. So I emailed a physician friend and of course she suggested that I get to the E-room to be sure it wasn't a kidney infection that could get into my blood stream and be hard to treat. (it was Sunday morning)

So we reluctantly made the trip to emergency. It was a better experience than I'd anticipated. Nice folks and not an all day affair.
My temp was down at that time. My urine came out showing very little problems. My blood work was fine. Yet I was clearly in pain and miserable. They ultimately did a cat scan to check for a kidney stone. Nope

But they decided that since I take antibiotics prophylactically, and had indeed taken 3 cepro last week. It is possible that an early infection wouldn't show up. So they are treating me like it is a uti that was heading towards my kidney.

Who knows.. makes me wonder sometimes if I should give up trying to find out why I am down when I am down. Just treat when I need to treat and wait to get well again.

My symptoms were so bad I had to also take pyridium. And it helped. By Tuesday I felt well enough to take Breanna to her dance class.

But that was it. Since then I've been horizontal on my sofa. Sad but true. How desperately I want to have energy and strength enough to just do things around the house. Yesterday I tried one of my amphetamine pills for ms fatigue. No help at all. Fever off and on.

Can't do much more than lay with my precious macbook on my lap. And lots of praying because besides needing it myself.. I can serve the the Lord and others by engaging with my Lord and the privilege of prayer that He has given me.

Hoping to present a better report soon.

Keeps me Humble

Always was very thankful for good health. I love life and people. And most of all I have absolute confidence in and passion for my Lord Jesus.

There is this thorn in my flesh. Multiple Sclerosis! Although I've not been disabled much regarding mobility (only when I'm hot from either external heat or an internal rise in temperature), I do face "issues" from the MS that cause my good health to be like a yo-yo.

When I am feeling good I am great. And love every minute of it. Yet I can be shot down in a matter of hours.

There is "background noise" that I deal with daily. The fatigue, memory problems, urinary retention to name a few. I deal with these things with medications and regular self catheterizing.

There are things that aren't so common like episodes of migraines or spasticity.. also dealt with mostly pharmaceutically.

The urinary retention is a big problem for me. Because if my bladder isn't emptied all the way it is a breeding ground for bacteria. Yet self catheterizing no matter how clean the technique or sterile the equipment, catheterizing introduces bacteria into the urinary tract.

Thus I'm really prone to urinary tract infections. These come on so rapidly. I don't always know what I'm dealing with right away. Because my first symptoms are extreme weakness both physically and emotionally. I'll feel like I've suddenly gotten really lazy and so easily weepy. Then once the fever hits I become dizzy and even weaker from the rise in body temperature.

So this is very difficult for me. I just hate being on my back. And I hate to complain. I desire to be well and fully serving my God. And I know that He can get glory even though I have this thorn in my flesh. He shows His strength when I am weak.

This is likely a warfare with satan wanting me to be discouraged and unfruitful. And I admit I do get discouraged. But it is only because I become weary physically. I do not become weary spiritually. By His mercies that are new every morning and by HIs grace I am kept hopeful. I know the ultimate end. And in the mean time I know that there is healing in His wings. He is able.
And if I do not find healing while on this earth, I will still be fruitful. I can still encourage others. I can still fruitfully serve Him.

satan has no claims on me.... I'm under the shed blood of Jesus- redeemed and awaiting my reunion with Him.

My help comes from the hills from the Creator of heaven and earth.. who was and is and is to come.

Amen

Trip to a Specialist

Monday a friend drove me to Nashville for an appointment with a Urologist who specializes in MS urinary issues.

Honestly I knew that most of my urinary problems weren't things that could be "cured". But I needed the opinion of a Specialist to confirm that the self treatment regime I'd been carrying out is acceptable for my condition. I wanted to know how to have the best quality of life that I can even with the problems MS causes me.

The local Urologist I'd seen .. the fellow who got me to begin self catheterizing seemed to give up on me. I felt that he felt my case was hopeless and had no solutions for me. My final visit with him was when he told me that all people with MS deal with fevers! NOT

So I'd been putting off going for well over a year. It is so much trouble to find a Dr. that is recommended and is covered by your insurance etc. I just dreaded it. And when feeling well.. it is the last thing I think of. Yet when I come down with a UTI and the problems associated with it, I know I should get some help- yet at those times I am too ill to deal with it.

I'd say that urinary problems are one of the biggest problems that my MS has caused me

Life as I know it

Early after my diagnosis of multiple sclerosis in 2003 I created this blog. Yet I'd never posted!

Seems like most of my posts had gone to my online journal with MSIF

And I'll keep posting to the MSIF site because it includes an online community of folks with multiple sclerosis that I want to stay connected to.

But there are things to share here too.

The most unique thing about multiple sclerosis is how it differ's not just for every individual who has MS; but that each day for me is completely different from the previous.

I cannot count on how I will feel from one day to the next.
My diagnosis is not the more usual relapsing remitting MS. I've been told that I deal with primary progressive MS.

So besides the times I've awakened with optic neuritis, I've never had a completely new symptom pop up that goes completely away. But I can sure feel great one day and be nearly bed ridden the next.

For example, yesterday I felt wonderful. Weather-wise we've encountered a cool front. At least compared to the weeks of 90 degree days. Yesterday it was low 80s! Tommy and I hand waxed both cars! Then I did things around the house and went and got some groceries. Made up some soup. And had our Granddaughter stay the night.

Today however I am unable to accomplish anything productive.
Just barely made it through the morning visiting with our Breanna. No church! Tons of things I want to do to prepare for our upcoming trip to Michigan. Yet, here I lay with my macbook on my lap. Blogging horizontally!

Unpredictable! Frustrating.

Two very descriptive words for Multiple Sclerosis.

I've never wanted to consider myself sick. In fact I'd be the first to argue that MS is not a sickness, just a progressive neurological disorder! But when I'm fatigued to the point of being in my bed, I begin to think that maybe I am sick!!

Next post I pray will be more uplifting.

Hurricane winds on the way home from conference

Wow.. our ride home was eventful. We've never experienced a hurricane in Indiana. This was remnants from Ike... but man oh man we couldn't believe it. We took a side ride to the overlook at Leavenworth, Indiana. And I shot this video of Tommy during a huge gust. We later saw that the eye held together all the way into Michigan! WOW: